Yesterday I revised this long sentence below into the one below it and claimed I was using a method that Richard Lanham teaches in the first chapter of Revising Prose:

  • The irony of a celebration of street art being rendered unreadable by its prose style for a wide educated audience does not escape the reviewer, of course.

  • Brooks notices the irony of celebrating street art in sentences that many people can't read. (about half the words)

Here, step by step, is why the credit goes to Richard Lanham. Lanham says to put the actor up at the start as the subject of the sentence. Who is doing something here? The reviewer, Brooks. So the ending gets moved up front:

  • The irony of a celebration of street art being rendered unreadable by its prose style for a wide educated audience does not escape the reviewer, of course.

  • Brooks notices the irony

Lanham says to get rid of empty, throat-clearing phrases, so the posturing final phrase goes too. It just goes:

  • The irony of a celebration of street art being rendered unreadable by its prose style for a wide educated audience does not escape the reviewer, of course.

  • Brooks notices the irony

Lanham says to try using verbs forms instead of nouns when you can:

  • The irony of a celebration of street art being rendered unreadable by its prose style for a wide educated audience does not escape the reviewer, of course.

  • Brooks notices the irony of celebrating

Lanham says try to avoid prepositional phrases when you can, since they become wordy when they pile up:

  • The irony of a celebration of street art being rendered unreadable by its prose style for a wide educated audience does not escape the reviewer, of course.

  • Brooks notices the irony of celebrating street art

Lanham says the posh insider's phrase can often be replaced by a very accurate single word:

  • The irony of a celebration of street art being rendered unreadable by its prose style for a wide educated audience does not escape the reviewer, of course.

  • Brooks notices the irony of celebrating street art in sentences that many people

Lanham says verbs often need to be toned down. Passive voice is usually for losers, for one thing, and multiple-word verbs are unnecessary except when they add precision. Down-to-earth single-word verbs are powerful:

  • The irony of a celebration of street art being rendered unreadable by its prose style for a wide educated audience does not escape the reviewer, of course.

  • Brooks notices the irony of celebrating street art in sentences that many people can't read.

Those revisions employ most of Lanham's tips from the opening sections of the book. They cut about half the words and they leave almost every phrase changed for the better. With practice, striking and far-reaching revisions like these become possible in a hurry. His method is a great tool for people who have learned bad habits during their education. I use it all the time.

12/10/13; 16:13PM

Last built: Sun, Feb 23, 2014 at 10:53 AM

By Ken Smith, Tuesday, December 10, 2013 at 4:13 PM.